.do you know?.

Sekuat mana kita setia
Sehebat mana kita merancang
Sejauh mana kita menunggu
Sekeras mana kita bersabar
Sejujur mana kita menerima
Jika ALLAH tidak menulis jodoh kita bersama
Kita tetap TIDAK akan bersama

credits to sweetparadox.tumblr.com

.my mother.

I have come to realize, how I rely on my mother in so many things. She used to stay with me in Sheffield for about 7 weeks. In a cubicle studio. So technically we bumped into each other 24/7.

We sleep on the same bed, we pillow talk, we went for road trip, we go ga-ga doing the online shopping, we gobble our food over some Korean/English/Malay movies, we walk in the city and the park. We did almost everything together.

Now, my final year in Sheffield. I live with friends. I must say, happening. But, I miss her presence.

When I'm hungry, she'll let me eat. When I'm bored, she'll say do your work/let’s walk in the park/let’s go to the city/let’s online shop again! When I want to watch movies, she’ll just join without complaining about what movie we are going to watch. When exam is coming, she’ll accompany me in the night to study. When I have my work done, especially writing thesis/reports, she’ll proofread for me. When I got cut, she’ll nag consistently to put ubat. When I’m being clumsy and hit the cupboard/bed/desk, she actually hit those stuffs back as if they were being clumsy and hit me.

I can’t wait to see you and others. Insyaallah, soon.

To my mother, Ibu, I love you so much. You have been the most wonderful mother that a girl could ask for and I hope I have been wonderful to you too.

.cinta.

Cinta adalah gurauan kehidupan
Kadang-kadang buat kita ketawa
Kadang-kadang buat kita terasa
Dan gurauan yang buat kita memahami macam-macam emosi.

Kalau yang mencantikkan lukisan adalah warna
Maka yang mencantikkan kehidupan adalah cinta.

.rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain.

If you are concern about your rakyat, why not be one of us and learn what we feel. Rather than having not even quarter of the rakyat to make fuss in the heart of KL.

And if I may ask, does the people you gather have the same intention to be called united? Because I saw children too. Shameful.

.oh hello.

Hello all. I have totally abandoned my blog. For some reason. No. I forgot I have a blog. Smirk. Well, it's exam weeks. Just finished a paper and have another two to go.

Abah is here, visiting. He came down from Oslo and going back to Malaysia tomorrow which is Saturday. At least, I am no longer a home sick person. Lol. It's good to see him.

Anyway, I'm not feeling very well. Since early May. Had some problems with my health. Should have taken good care of myself rather than just doing the overload works.

BUT, despite the health issues and exams, managed to organize a trip to Italy, right after exam! London-Rome-Venice-Verona-Milan. Nice ay? Yeah then will head back to London to meet my beloved families and off we go to Brussels and Amsterdam. Hee so excited. Currently busy planning to get a US visa for next summer vacation, New York maybe. Planning to go Spain this coming winter. And any other time for German, Switzerland and Austria. Then I will think about going to the Eastern Europe. "Wahh spending money like you earn them," said Abah. What can I do, you give me money, I spend for travelling expenses. Better than to shop, right? At least I get to see the world. Grin.

Okay, going to watch Maharaja Lawak and rest. Talk to you soon okay. x

.out of topic.

It ain't easy to love.
But when you have got one for yourself,
Learn how to keep it safe and sound in your heart.

Truthfully, I am pissed. Bye.

.russian roulette.

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
That I'm terrified
But I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger.

.tahun itu.

Tahun itu,
Tahun akan datang.
Tahun itu,
Tahun yang aku tunggu-tunggu.
Tahun itu,
Berakhirlah status aku sebagai pelajar.
Tahun itu juga,
Mungkin tahun aku menjejakkan kaki ke alam kerja.

Tahun itu,
Tanggungjawab pada diri sendiri bertambah.
Tahun itu,
Aku mula mencari duit untuk disimpan.
Tahun itu,
Mulalah aku mencari teman.
Tahun itu,
Mungkin bibit-bibit cinta mula terbit.
Tahun itu juga,
Makin bertambah anak-anak buahku.

Tahun itu,
Tahun 2012.
Tahun aku mendapat ijazah.
Tahun aku memulakan alam baru.

Tahun seterusnya?
Nanti-nanti lah aku fikirkan.

.ditulis dengan perasaan yang senget.

.i'm 22.

Yeay. I am officially a busy person. Ha ha wth? Well had my birthday on March 22nd. Well since it was on Tuesday, I had to go for weekly design meeting which ends at 4 p.m. Not so cool ay? Right. I went home and chill. Not chill, I actually had to do works, plenty of them.

Around 6 ish, my friends called for a birthday dinner. Just 3 minutes walk from my place. It's an Italian restaurant called Piccolos. I supposed the chef was crying in the kitchen by looking at how we had the food. We, Malaysians, we want more sauce because the taste was too plain. Also, we shared our food. :)

After my birthday dinner, we all went to Octagon centre and watched some dance training for International Cultural Event. Sat there for awhile and felt lonely. Of course, this is Dira talking. I always feel lonely at times like these. Birthday! I usually cut birthday cake with my family. So right after the dance training, I went home. And sleep. Grin. Not so much on my birthday eh?

Wait, haven't done yet. I went to Meadowhall yesterday. Went shopping. Shoes and hoodies. I just wanted to spend money and buy something for myself too. And today, I am so tired that I woke up at 6.30 a.m. Now, I think I'm gonna take shower and get ready for 11 o'clock class. Smirk.

And thank you for all of the birthday wishes. Love.

.mind my writing.

.redundant.

Ops. Submission is on Friday. Have I started anything yet? Oh yes I did. Everything is in progress and the fact that I work in the Information Commons, that is something really new to me. I like it.

But really need to go shopping, brain is fried from every aspect. Need to vent.

.jealousy.

Something just happened. And all I could think of is jealousy and the fact that people don't like to see others happy. They'd rather have their heart torn than share the happiness.

I’m having one of the best moments in life. I know there are many past moments as memorable, but this one, I would say I kinda waiting for it. Long.

Despite all the work loads, I’m able to put myself outside my comfort zone with the sweetest smile. That sounds corny. These works, I’m not bothered, not at all. I know what I want to do. I have my schedule and I know I start late, but still, in track.

Yes, I’ve drifted a bit from the root story. Anyway, yeah I don’t understand why people would come up with tremendous ideas to pull me or someone down. Should use the ideas for better things, right?

You know, I don’t care what you want to say about me, but spend some time to take a look at yourself in the mirror, and have a thought about what you said about me.

.march.

I have a good start in March. I really do. Hopefully this will last long. Cheers!

.home.

The place I called home. Yeah it’s my home sweet home. My home, that is not comparable. Full of love. Full of loving people too. I’ve stayed in Shah Alam since I was 10 years old. So, I went to the primary and secondary schools nearby my house. Stayed at that house for at least 11 years. Just last year we moved to a new house.

Well, here in Sheffield too. I have a home with a bunch of people who makes me laugh and cry together. They are absolutely amazing people.

You know, I have come to realize that there is another home that always welcomes me with warmth. And smile. Weird? No. It’s just that I always feel this when I step into the house. (you have 3 in total now? grin.)

It’s true that we have not been seeing for some times. But whenever, WHENEVER I go over, always the same treatment. When I was little until now, a grown up. How nice to be treated that way. Which home I’m talking about? Heh I shall keep that to myself. Just want to surprise myself for what will happen in five years time. Will it be the same as it is now? Hopefully.

.written under the influence of heart and mind.

Finally had my wrap for dinner. Thanks to Zatesa. You are amazing. :)

Well, I am just writing this just to kill time. I have class at ten tomorrow and that is the only class on Wednesday. Planning something, maybe shopping or movie, and of course I thought of going for netball training in the afternoon but that depends on my hands’ condition. Bengkak dengan rate yang pantas. Can’t bend my wrist properly so maybe giving them a rest until Thursday.

So, you have anything in mind what I could do tomorrow? I was thinking to catch up with my previous lectures, but I think that would be a little too ‘heavy’. Heh.

Also, I’m wondering if you talked too much about your feelings, will it go away some time later.

Ah. This heart loves to come up with stuffs. Let mind do the writing.

Oh finally found a house for seven people. It looks more like a bank though. Ha ha. Ground floor has 3 en-suite bedrooms and first floor with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. But! They are not connected. And it takes 15 minutes to go to class unless take the tram that would be less than 5 minutes of course! Still, haven’t decided yet. Maybe will confirm with the owner at the end of this week.

Hmm ok lah. I want to do something else. I have got nothing to write.

Actually, I’ve got my results, and Alhamdulillah the results were okay. :) see, I just don’t want to write about this because my tutor said so many things like:
You should give a pat on your back
You did good
Congratulate yourself!
You know, next year you will have to work harder. <-- not expecting this though..

Hahah Mike Rennison, he’s a very cool tutor. Thanks Mike!

.james blunt.

Yes, I went to his live performance in Sheffield last Saturday. He was brilliant!! Love love love!

.what-so-ever.

Weird. They are all adults. Acting like none. Selfish.

.the six colleagues.

I had a, very long weekend. Well, I attended Seminars Inducting New Executive-committee (SINE) training in Manchester for 3 days and 2 nights. It was a preparation to setting up Robogals in UK region and it was really, an awesome experience. My team members are amazing. We didn’t know each other until we met at Manchester Piccadilly Station and walked together to the training location. In fact, we got to stay together in Hatters Hostel, a decent hostel I would say. Good way to make acquaintances ay?

We went out as colleagues on the second night since we didn’t get a break at all. Plus, we slept very early on our first night there. Took about 20 minutes walking to a pub called Thirsty Scholar where we went before dinner because we had our reservation at Nando’s quite late. Yeah. We had a good chat and get along very quickly. I have been a very observant and attentive amongst the members. Funny they said I’m a sweet girl that could not name one bad person on earth.

Oh, we took taxi back to hostel because everybody was worn out. Not just that, we were wearing thin clothes and weather was too cold to walk back.
Funny thing was on the third day of training, we were thrilled to go back to Sheffield. After the group photo, we walked as fast as we could just to catch the next train to Sheffield. Ha ha and I could never imagined that I have missed Sheffield so much!

I am so tired right now. Good thing I only have one class that starts at noon tomorrow. Still, need to get some rest now. Good night all!

.make your life miserable.

Okay. Let me list down my modules for autumn semester.

1. Group design project
2. Experiment and modelling
3. Flow and Power
4. Sensors, actuators and controllers
5. The integrity of materials and components
6. Engineering management

So, what’s the fuss of listing them all? I only have four written exams (100% on exams) which are from 3 to 6. The first two are 100% coursework. Right. Straight to the point shall we. I think I couldn’t think straight just because 4 and 5. These papers, they were my nightmares. Sigh. I’m terribly sorry for myself for taking up these two modules.

See, I have not done feeling sorry for myself yet to found out my new modules for the spring term. This term, three of them are electives. So those are the bold ones.

1. Group design project
2. Mechatronics
3. Advanced fluid mechanics
4. Energy - Properties and optimisation
5. Renewable energy

Let's hope my new resolution (refer .rawr.) is not going to waste.

.rawr.

Hey! This could be the worse exam period. Or maybe not. Last semester was terrible. Ah I still have two papers to go. So I came up with new resolution.

New resolution? To be more consistent. On whatever. Heh. Listing it all here would embarrass me as some of them would definitely be ancient history as early as, right now. So let’s keep it to myself (so I could adjust here and there without your knowing).

Well, good news. I’m the Schools and Students Manager of Robogals (google it, I have no time explaining since its exam week). Pioneer in Sheffield. It just happened, when I had to study.

1. Checking emails on regular basis, and Robogals caught my attention.
2. Completed the application form for executive committee member.
3. Received an email saying 'INTERVIEW BY PHONE' on Saturday. But none.
4. Just yesterday night, while watching Korean dramas, received a call from Australia. Oh. It’s the interview. Last for ten minutes.
5. Application results came out late afternoon today.
6. And hey, you are accepted!

For a second, I thought, it’s my past time to complete all forms. But this one, somehow, cheered me up today. Ha ha ha so happy that I am too tired to study. Can we skip the exams for now? My mind is so tired. dakf;dljnsribgik oh sorry. Head is too heavy that it fell on the keyboard. Ahh I should stop writing now. Talk to you soon!

.rindu.

Tak ada ribut,
Tak ada petir,
Berkatalah si hati.

Jangan dibiarkan hati berkarat,
Selagi berkeringat,
Cari lah jalan taubat.

Mudah kau kata,
Pernah kau cuba?
Kalau tak cuba,
Bergelimanglah dengan dosa.

Sayu hati dengar Azan,
Tenang hati dengar bacaan Quran,
Sebak dada mengenangkan kasih Tuhan.

Terima kasih Ya Tuhan,
Sesungguhnya hati ini masih mendapat nikmat Mu.

.Nadia Azmi.

Happy birthday Yaya!!


May your happiness grow and stay amazing!

Love, Rara

.Alhamdulillah. Thank you God.

Dear God, please bless me with your mercy and please bestow me strength.

Ameen.

.coffee obsession.

"No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness." Sheik Abd-al-Kadir

It has been quite awhile since I had my coffee. Not the 3in1 kind of coffee. Somehow it is true, caffeine helps me go through the stresses better. I have no choice but I will continue taking it like how I did before.

I am not addicted to it, but I am officially obsessed with it. The smell. The taste. it takes you where ever you want to go. I know I’ve been taking coffee way too much. But hey, if it were not for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality. Grin.

Anything, name anything. Stress over exams, need to vent, hang out with friends, talk over something serious. The solution? Coffee.

.yawn.

Nice feelings grow when you are told you are a star, wise, amazing, and other good personalities. It feels somehow your hard works are now paid off.

Now, thinking a lot whether to go home or not for summer break.

If I were to stay, without getting any internship, that would waste money, time, and the fun parts back home. But, if I were to get internship, I’d stay, InsyaAllah. So, what I am planning is simple. Go home if I could not get a job here and look for internship in Malaysia.

Speaking of going back Malaysia, I will get to see my beloved family, friends, food, and time will definitely be filled with special things. Plus, I have already got offered for a part-time job, photo shoot for a bridal shop. Grin. As for internship, hopefully will be sorted out soon.

Right, back to reality. I have stopped studying since Tuesday. Though I tried so hard to study, but I just could not. This is the time that I feel homesick. So badly. Not the right time too. Guess I just need to be a little stronger than what I’ve used to be.

I’ve been writing quite frequent. Most of them, my feelings and experiences. What else should I write about? I am not good at reviewing others work, so do criticising. But that sounds fun. Isn’t it? Shall try one day. After the exams end most likely.

Okay, going to start a productive evening by reading notes. You wish. Smirk.

.post is titled yawn because I've yawned too much while writing this.

.selfish.

I am selfish and I admit that.

Well, it started when Melek came over for lunch. I cooked tom yam and omelette for her. Bet something is wrong with the taste bud as she said food was lovely. And, she brought apple pie with custard for dessert, yummy but a little too tangy for me.

Had some chat and they’re private and confidential stuffs. Doesn’t mean they’re P&C, your adrenalin is rushing thinking it could be you we are talking about. Ha ha. Must say we both were screwed with our poor vocabulary’s day.

Family, friends, lovers, food, mandarin, China, South East Asia and also, Family Guy. From all that issues, we ended up admitting we both are selfish people. Ha ha ha. I just loved it when two people are talking bad about each other. We talked about these stuffs while having our “hot tea” which was teh tarik. She had two mugs and I had one. She went all dizzy and hyper.

See, didn’t get to spend the whole day as she has to go back to Rotherham. So I sent her to the bus station, accurately, I need to pick up my package from the post office i.e next to the bus station (I'm not a painstaking to walk back and forth).

Well, another goodbye. Why, why, whyyyy?? Sigh. I just don’t like goodbyes. Not being dramatic but that is something that I hate the most. Unless, if it is a closure then goodbye is fine. If you know what I meant.

And walked back to the apartment in less than 15 minutes. Rushed home to skype with Ibu, but too late. She was already in bed. Cleaned the dishes and now, writing on today’s activities and finishing it in a minute. So back to work now. Wait, what work? Today is my rest day. So, will write again soon!

.purpose of the story is actually to state that I’m selfish.

.exam fever.

Right. First paper, Tuesday, January 18th. It’s my favourite module, Flow and Power. I’m a bit stressed out here. Not because of the paper, but the exams’ timetable. Why must this module be the first? I could have done more revision with other modules if this one is the last or maybe in the middle of exams. I have been doing too much revision on this one that I have forgotten about the rest. And now, take that! Just sorted out notes for other modules and they are piling up on my dining table. I just don’t know where to start.

Interesting fact, after Flow and Power, I have two weeks gap before the next exams. And they are in the final week of exam. Three papers in a week. Of course, I love the fact that last paper is on February 5th, and new term starts on February 7th. Nice? I know.

Should have started revision earlier. Heh. Same regrets, and same old Dira.

.this is heart talking.

How much you miss home? Tonnes.Heart is breaking for not being close to home. As matter of fact, this is the path I have chosen. So be strong and survive!

Why chose this path? I guess it’s time I run far, far away, find comfort in pain.

How long more do you want to stay away? No, let me rephrase. How long more do you think you can be away from home? Yes you keep yourself busy, you travel and extending years in foreign country. I will wait a little longer for a clearer vision. Cos I’m not rushing.

You know you’ll miss home a lot, why torture yourself? There are things need to be left home, unsettled. And, I’m just not ready for everything. I’m not tortured, but most likely, the loved ones are tortured for I’m not home.

.listening to Tears and Rain by James Blunt.

.dream big.

I have dreams. Dreams that need a whole load of hard works. I keep this to myself and only those special people are told. You probably annoyed since I’m not telling, why do I blog about it? Because, it’s my blog.


One of my dream.
Talking about dream, I dreamt of something last night. I was crying in my dream as well as in my sleep. What’s the difference? Figure that out. It was a sweet dream and I was crying of happiness. He he he imagine how I’d look like, crying with joy. But woke up with slight fever. Doesn't really matter as I was happy in my sleep. Isn't it easy to make someone happy? Even it was a dream. So, pray your way for happiness too!

.bahasa.

Tibe-tibe rase nak tulis entry kali ni dalam Bahasa Melayu. Asal? Saye pun tak tau. Mungkin dah tibe masa memartabatkan Bahasa Melayu kot. Walaupun bahasa rojak, tapi sekurang-kurangnya saye masih boleh berbahasa dengan baik. Asal korang paham sudah lah kan. Asek nak guna English je, boring lah. Nama pun England, mother tongue pun English. Macam kat Malaysia gak kan, dok Malaysia nak cakap English. Dok England nak cakap Melayu. Hihihi rasa lucu pulak tulis dalam bahasa. Bukan ape, cume tak berapa biasa. Kalau bercakap tu standard lah, tapi bile menulis, tak guna spelling yang betul rasa bersalah kat org yg tungkus lumus buat ejaan supaya nampak intelektual. Okay lah, tulisan ni sekadar selingan daripada belajar yg memenatkan tapi memandaikan. Selamat malam!

.Next post is not guaranteed to be written in English/Malay.

.drawing.

You must be lying if you said you've never drawn this.


I'm missing childhood life, the only time I could make mistakes without giving harm to anyone.

.'kampung saya' means my village.

.atikah jamaludin.

Happy Birthday Atikah Jamaludin!


Have a rock n roll birthday!

.beautiful song.

I love James Blunt live performances, where I got to watch raw emotions. Love it so much that I've been listening to him a lot. And at least, will listen to his songs before sleep. Weird, but he has this voice that no one could have, at the present.



One of my favourite. Enjoy!

.of course if you like someone you'll give them credits.

.friends grow apart.

Something I forget, I was a good friend.

As you grow older, interests change, personality matures, and it is just natural to make new friends. And to realize that most of my friends, we have different views, opinions, different taste in fashion, music and etc.

These friends, they are not just good friends because of what we like, but we like each other company and companionship. They are awesome people. They listen, generous, respectful and of course, they don’t put me down.

That’s what friends are made for, in my opinion. If you grow apart with your friends, because of stupid things, remember the thick and thin you’ve been through together. Don't be embarrassed to apologise, and even sometimes it wasn't you to be blamed at. It isn’t fair to give up friendships that you’ve built for years.

.OCD to care-free.

Last time, I was a perfectionist. Now, is at ease.
Last time, I observed too much. Now, I only analyse the important things.
Last time, I enjoyed cleaning the house. Now, not anymore.
Last time, I was automysophobia. Now, it gets better.
Last time, I hate if bed is unmade. Now, it looks better unmade.
Last time, I emptied sink at all time. Now, at least a spoon is left unwashed.
Last time, I showered twice a day. Now, I shower if I had to.
Last time, I hung clothes with hangers. Now, not hang and everywhere.
Last time, I tied cables together. Now, I could be strangled by them.
Last time, I don’t like writing. Now, I am starting to enjoy it.
Last time, I felt awkward to write about myself. Now, I couldn’t care less.
Last time, I cared about what people say. Now, it’s none of my business.

.500 days of summer.

People change. Feelings change.
It doesn't mean that the love once shared wasn't true and real.
It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.

.happy new year.

Happy new year guys! Have a fruitful year ahead.


.photo taken on London Bridge with six others, which obviously did't fit in the photo.